Wedding Jam
by dawnslight03
Summary: Jim decides to change his plans when he reaches the airport. He loves Pam and he is going to support her no matter how much it hurts. JAM all the way. Please R&R. It's been awhile. Rated T for possible follow up chapters. Disclaimer: I don't own The Offic
1. Chapter 1

THE WEDDING

As my foot hit the pavement, I knew that I would get right back into the cab and go home. There was no way that I could go to Australia, not when Pam was getting married in two days. Every fiber of my being wanted to escape the hell that I had been in for the past year. The longer that Roy had put off choosing the wedding date, the longer that I had maintained hope that she would realize what was right in front of her: that we were perfect for each other.

I picked up my duffel bag that I had previously dropped on the sidewalk and put it back in the cab. "I'm sorry. Can you take me back?" The cabbie looked confused, but nodded his agreement. I hoped that I wouldn't regret the decision.

* * *

I didn't tell her I was coming. I decided that I would be quiet support. I would sit on the back row, watch her step out into her dreams, and walk out of her life forever. It would be hard, but then so was watching her at reception every day. So was hearing her giggle as I removed all the keys on Dwight's keyboard and rearranged them. So was smelling her perfume when she stood in front of me in the vending machine line.

As I approached the church, I saw Roy pacing outside the church, sweating. He looked nervous, so I paused across the street to avoid making small talk with Pam's future husband. When he finally went back inside, I crossed the street and jogged up the stairs to the foyer.

Pam had a quiet class and it showed in her choice of decorations. Champagne and peach draped the arch at the front of the church, and small ivory roses covered every surface. Hundreds of candles cast a glow over the crowd. I drew in a painful breath. She had taken so much care to make this day special, there was no way that she wouldn't go through with it. I took a seat on the back row as previously planned. I saw Michael and Jan sitting on the row behind Toby, Meredith, and Oscar. Michael was flicking Toby's ear, then looking at the ceiling whistling. He had absolutely no idea how to conduct himself in social situations. I made a mental note to flick him in the ear when I went to retrieve my things from Dunder Mifflen.

I saw there, counting the seconds as they passed, knowing that Pam was excitedly getting ready, her mom straightening her veil and fighting back tears of joy. She was actually going to marry this Neanderthal. My mind flashed back to the night that I had revealed my feelings to her. How could I have been so stupid? I remember after I kissed her (and she kissed me back) that she bit her lip softly and whispered, "It's too late." What did she mean by that? That I had waited too long to tell her how I felt? How many times had I hinted? I just wanted her to be happy. I had denied my feelings so long that it became second nature to me.

Classical music poured from the sound system and the doors opened to reveal the bridesmaids and groomsmen. They were strangers that reminded me of the part of Pam I didn't know, the family she spent time with and the friends she grew up with. They floated forward and time seemed to speed up. When the "Wedding March" began, I gripped the pew in front of me so hard that my knuckles turned white. I felt like I was going to be sick. What on earth had propelled me to punish myself in this way? Pam appeared in the doorway, absolutely perfect. She shone like an angel. Her eyes met mine, widened, then shot to the floor. I had made a huge mistake.

She looked back up at me, smiled, and walked slowly toward Roy. Each step was a knife through my stomach. Her dress brushed me and my knees literally gave out. I held myself up on the pew in front of me. Pam arrived at the front of the church and her father had to catch Roy's attention; he had forgotten to meet Pam at the bottom of the steps. It was almost poetic. He rushed down to help her up the steps. She kissed her dad goodbye and let Roy lead her onward.

The minister welcomed us to this most auspicious occasion. He rambled on and on about how wonderful it is to find that someone who completes us, and the luck of those who do so. And then it came, that moment that I had dread since Roy had set the date.

"If anyone sees fit that this union should not go forward as planned, please speak now or forever hold your peace."

There was a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach as I stared at the back of Pam's head. I saw her casually turn her head a bit to catch a peek over her shoulder. _Don't worry, love. I will never sacrifice your happiness on the altar of my pain._

Dwight looked over at his shoulder and smirked in my general direction. I made a mental note to superglue all of his office supplies to his desk and, for good measure, to glue all of his files together when I get back to the office.

The ceremony continued and time began to slow down again, almost stopping, in fact. Finally the time for vows arrived, and Pam turned to face Roy. Roy seemed to be extremely nervous, with sweat pouring down his brow. The minister read his portion of the vows and Pam repeated her part, gazing towards Roy with that sweet little smile that reaches her eyes. A smile that should have been reserved for me.

Roy's vows went by in a blur. He stumbled over several words and I was beginning to question his health. He looked as though he was going to pass out. I wondered if I should slowly move him aside and take his place. No one would notice the change in groom, if I did the exchange quickly and properly.

The minister began the final part of the service. He asked Pam if she took Roy to be her lawfully wedding husband. She paused, looked directly at me, which caused my heart to beat even more erratically than before, and turned back to face Roy. "I do," she whispered. Three years of engagement was too much for her to give up on. Familiarity had trumped true passion once again.

The time had come for Roy to say "I do." I was ready to hit the door before the all important kiss. Roy whispered something that I couldn't hear. Pam took a step back. Her gaze flew to me, then back to Roy.

"I am so sorry, Pam. I can't do this. I am not ready," Roy said loud enough for everyone to hear. He went to place his hand on her cheek, and she took another step back. I half stood, waiting for him to grab her arm or try to explain his maniacal insanity. Pam turned and ran up the aisle. I froze, standing in the back row like a freakish statue. Roy stomped off the platform toward the vestibule. The crowd sat in awe, already whispering to each other. I could see Kelly formulating the email she would send all her friends the next day. I didn't know what to do. She had said yes. I should leave. Yet, knowing that Pam was suffering compelled me to find her and make her pain go away. I had punished myself so much that I was growing immune to it.

I walked into the foyer and was about to turn toward the hallway that led to the bride's room when I saw Pam's veil lying disheveled on the floor. She had obviously ripped it off and discarded it during her sprint. I picked it up and spun it in my hands. The sparkle of the diamonds that lined the band on the front of the veil seemed to mock me. Everything was perfect for Pam until now. Maybe I should just go. Just as I was making the decision to let Pam recover in peace, I looked up and saw Pam's mother standing outside the room, gently wiping the corner of her eyes with a handkerchief.

"Jim, dear, she has banished me. She said she wants to be alone. I cannot believe that Charlatan actually made her go through all of this madness. He led her on for three years. I could tear his ass to pieces!" I patted her arm.

"Do you think I could try, Mrs. Beasley?" She nodded, and waved toward the door.

I opened the door slowly and whispered her name. "Pam?"

"Go away, Jim. I don't need this right now."

"Is that what you really want?" I asked tentatively. She was crumpled up on a chaise lounge in the corner, her dress billowing around her. Even when she was broken, her beauty was breathtaking.

"What was I thinking? He took so long to set the date, he might as well have tattooed 'Not Ready to Marry' on his forehead," Pam sniffed, wiping her eyes, her tissue leaving little white specks in her eyelashes.

"Yea, but forehead tattoos are so last week," I joked, trying to ease her pain with an extremely unfunny joke.

She smiled a sad smile, and looked into my eyes for the first time since I entered the room.

"Why are you here, Jim? You are supposed to be a stuffy plane, eating bad food, and flying off to the Down Under."

"I got out of the cab and remembered that you were getting married to the wrong man, so I made new plans," I replied, knowing that it was the last thing she needed to hear right now, and yet, somehow, I was unable to stop myself.

"Jim," she whispered, her eyes shining with tears begging for release. "I can't do this right now."

My heart was breaking all over. Australia was definitely calling.

"I know, Pam. I know. I just need you to know that nothing has changed. You don't have to love me back. I just want you to know that you deserve better. The way he led you on, the way he put you through three years of uncertainty. That wasn't love. I hope you know that." I breathed out slowly, trying to regulate my heartbeats. My heart seemed to be working double-time.

Pam just dropped her head, and the tears that threatened streamed down her face.

I suddenly remembered the veil that I had retrieved from the foyer. I held it out to her with a shaky hand.

"Here. Save this for another day. There is no way that perfection will be alone forever." I walked out of the room slowly, feeling as though I had fifty pounds of concrete chained to both legs. It was getting harder and harder to walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

As I walked to my car I noticed the skies had turned gray which, under the circumstances, suited the occasion. I got into my car, turned off the radio, and took off toward my apartment. Amazingly enough, not a thought came into my head. I managed to block out all images from the day and drove home on autopilot. Rain started to fall in tiny, harmless drops that didn't even skew my visibility enough for me to turn on the windshield wipers. I hated that. I hated when it rained just enough to leave droplets that you notice even though you shouldn't, but not enough to turn on the windshield wipers.

I arrived at my apartment and took a deep breath. What to do now? I suddenly felt like packing. I was supposed to leave for Stamford in a month, but why not get a head start? Maybe I could go ahead and move early since I wouldn't be in Australia. I searched the house, finally finding a plastic bin with a cracked lid to begin my packing. I made a mental note to buy actual packing boxes in the morning.

I went around my room, picking up random pieces of my past, wrapping some in newspaper and throwing some in the trash can. I never realized how much I held on to things. My eyes grazed over my yearbook and finally I couldn't hold back the tidal wave of emotion that I had held at bay for so long. I picked it up, remembering how Pam had poured over it the night of my party. I threw the yearbook into the bin, angry at my weakness. That's when the doorbell rang.

* * *

She was soaking wet and absolutely stunning. Her hair was plastered to her forehead and her wedding dress was beyond repair. As Pam stood in my doorway looking at me with that look she gave me from the reception area sometimes. I took a step back, almost scared that she was here to apologize for hurting me. I couldn't take another apology, another "I'm sorry but I can't." She stepped inside and we just continued to stare at each other until I was unable to stand it.

"So, did you swim here?"

Her laughter was so loud it almost sounded out of place.

"I'm sorry that I let you go."

I blinked, trying to make sure I hadn't made up her reply in my head. She gathered up the extra material of her dress and walked towards the couch. I noticed she was barefoot and I couldn't help but grin. I followed her and we sat, not on the couch, but on the floor in front of it. She spread her dress out around her on the floor.

"I'm not sure that drying it is going to help," I said not knowing what else to say.

"So," she said, definitely trying to buy more time. I just sat, figuring that I had said all I needed to say. Just watching her fight for words made my stomach knot. She was even more beautiful when she bit her lip in frustration.

"I have tried and tried to convince myself that I was doing the right thing. I had made a commitment and I felt that Roy had done nothing to deserve my betrayal. That's when you came along."

A tear fell down her face and my hand twitched to wipe it away. I decided physical contact was a terrible idea.

Her voice was barely a whisper now. "You're my best friend. That night you kissed me and I kissed you back, but I was scared. You have to understand why. I have to make you understand."

I swallowed, trying not to break down.

"Do you remember that day that my mom came and you came to my desk, got a jellybean, and left? Why did you do that? Why didn't you meet her? You are the one she most wanted to meet."

Finally I had a reason to speak. "Roy was the one she needed to know, not me."

She looked down at her dress. It was beginning to wrinkle, and she smoothed it out with her shaking hands.

"Is there anyway…"

She paused, and my heart tottered on the edge of a cliff.

"I know that I said yes. I was prepared to sacrifice everything to keep up the perfect image I had created for Roy and I. Yet, I was relieved when he did what he did." She ran her fingers through her hair, and I realized how badly I wanted to do the same.

I cleared my throat and scooted closer to her. "Pam, you know that I'm in love with you. You know that everything we've been through and everything about you makes me love you more every day. But I can't be second. I've been second to him for three years and I can't live with that." My tears finally fell like the rain trickling immediately beyond my windows.

She struggled to stand without stepping on her dress. I stood quickly and helped her up. She refused to look me in the eye. I waited and waited, for an eternity it seemed, and when she didn't say anything I didn't know what more to do. I walked to my room, knowing that this was extremely awkward, but I couldn't watch her walk away again. It was time to finish packing.

I picked up my yearbook, hoping that my earlier impatience hadn't torn it. As I placed it back in my cheap packing bin, I felt a hand on my lower back. I turned and she was so close I could breathe in the scent of rain from her hair. She reached up and pulled my face toward her. Our lips softly met for a painfully brief moment, and she pulled back and whispered the sweetest four words I had ever heard.

"You were never second."

The kiss that I had always imagined, the deep, never-ending, moan inducing kiss was all I ever thought it would be and more.


End file.
